Roberta 7 - Short Stories
Im Jjyrcpyj

Matuschek, carrying the Dildo Brothers, Frank Zappa, The Encarta 98, Momo and The Neverending Story is going to the librarian counter as he notices a remarkable novel title : ‘’ Im Jjyrcpyj ‘’, a novel by Billy Boy Blue, never heard of, but today is Friday, taxi night, he needs something to read, Momo and The Neverending Story are for Matuschek´s daughter, he knows the novels of Michael Ende nearly by heart, so he thinks let´s tale the novel with us, hands out his library card, pays four Deutschmarks for the music CD´s and leaves.

Billy Boy Blue was born in 1957 and has not published anything since his debut novel ‘’ Im Jjyrcpyj ‘’ in 1982, he is said to lend surf boards to American tourists in Tanger or Essauria and to smoke pot in the evenings. Matuschek was born in 1957, either, and he remembers to have been near Essauria with an American diver half a year diving on or near an oil rig, half a year on holiday, he learnt to know the American, Joe or Billy, on the train from Madrid to Algeciras. Matuschek passed thirty or fourty crowded compartments, the train has already been moving, as he opened the door of a compartment with closed curtains and was welcomed by the words ‘’ Fuck you man, piss off man, go go go, it´s closed here ‘’ by a single man. Matuschek just came up with:
‘’Pardon ? ‘’
‘’ Do you speak English ? ‘’
‘’ Aaah, yes, a little bit ‘’
‘’ Come in and shut up ‘’
‘’ Okay, okay ‘’
So Matuschek has been able to sleep for ten hours during the night-ride, a whole compartment for two, because Joe or Billy, whatever his name was, barked anyone who opened the door instantly out, even the conductor, at least Matuschek could not remember having been disturbed by a conductor in his long and restful sleep.

Ucqr peoples fought for power in space, they were highly-developped beings acting cold as ice, sticking to moral rules only when it was useful or profitable. They had equipment enabling them to control a complete galaxy and the savedknoelegde of the whole space, but often behaved like Wild West gunmenfrom Hollywood. Matuschek expected an Indian novel when he read the title ‘’ Im Jjyrcpyj ‘’, but it was more like a mixture of Douglas Adams´ ‘’ A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy ‘’ and Karl May´s ‘’ Winntou ‘’. Ucqr space ships were just bombing small space ships in the name of the ‘’ Rights of galaxy beings ‘’ on a planet lying directly in the zone of control of the Ucqr peoples, which was not willing to surrender to their will, some Imjjyrcpyj damages had to be accepted, when Matuschek was startled by a loud horn; he saw that he had to go two positions to the front, his workmate had already started the motor. Matuschek advanced two positions and for he has been already standing there for half an hour, he did not read on, but toyed with some ideas; he did that very often after reading in his taxi for a long time.

Ucqr, advanced two positions, u-v-w, c-d-e, q-r-s, r-s-t, west, Ucqr peoples, West peoples, interesting, Matuschek has already thought about what Ucqr peoples are. Coincidence, Matuschek is not a disciple of the Kabbala like many others at the moment where meanings are rare, but what are Imjjyrcpyj damages then, Matuschek couldn´t imagine anything, i-j-k, n-m-o, j-k-l, collateral, collateral damages, wasn´t it the horrifying word the Nato used to describe the dead civilists, women, children who were killed for their freedom by bombs ?
No, this cannot be, Matuschek smoked rarely now, this Billy Boy Blue cannot be a prophet, furthermore, even Joschka Fischer accepts the bombs, the Kosovo for the Kosovo-people, not at once, first they go to Unna-Massen, for example, Matuschek himself collected toys and clothing fore them in the kindergarten, that is in Germany, or in a refugee camp, or there disappear some 30,000 under the eyes of Nato-soldiers in Macedonia, but the Nato takes care for the Kosovo to be open to all Kosovo-Albanians as an autonomous republic in Yugoslavia. These few casualties, you can´t make an omelette without breaking eggs, just collateral damages.
Matuschek is against bombs, on principle and especially in rest Yugoslavia.

 When does the bladder burst ?

Mirror day, Matuschek is sitting in his own car for the first time on a Monday , which is not the Monday before Lent, for six or seven years. It´s far past Midnight at this central place and at this time there is no living soul there. He is not only waiting for a new ride but for Silvio, either,; he gave him twenty Deutschmarks for a mobile phone on Saturday and Silvio said he would get it at once. To come to the point, Silvio does not come, so Matuschek will keep his ID card for some more time.
Nobody else is coming and the new temporary radio help only practices to send out a new ride at least to some extent correctly every five minutes; there are more than sixty taxi stations, so that Matuschek has to wait up to five hours according to the theory of probability. Time to think, about the million dollar wages of managers, the stock exchange billions of the gurus of information society, whose biography is illuminated by the Hamburgers at great length, the heroes of Cyberspace, Gates, Jobs, Case, Dell, Yang, Barret. Just concerning Yang ‘’ Yahoo ‘’ , having a higher quotation than Texaco, there is the question, what are quotations, not in a philosophical manner but rational, what is quoted here by the speculators ? Future, pieces of information, knowledge, I don´t have anything against ‘’ Yahoo ‘’, but some servers, a bit of software, fifty million non-paying clients per month searching for every fish sauce on all relevant sites, are these assets amounting to billions ?
Mergers causing the wages of managers to increase to enormous heights, increasing profits, taxes have to be lowered again, the few workers that are still needed can be forced down a bit - survival of the fittest -
Matuschek has read too much in the last two hours, thought much, earned nothing; being at the powers of a free market´s mercy the reports of non-profitable companies with low turnovers creating some stock millionaires when going public do have a surrealistic effect.
He must think of the private person ‘’ Oscar ‘’, one of the last socialists, who is now not interested any more, or the EU comissioners who have to stay at home now. Their pain is alleviated by the ten or twenty thousand Euro per month, paid either as transitional money or as a slightly lower pension.
Yes, boss, Matuschek thinks, I drop out at once, I´m now a private person, just send the transitional money to Hammerfest. Funnily enough, the most people Matuschek is talking to - not only workers ( they least of all ) but also employees, freelances and the self-employed - say that the so-called laws of nature ‘’ Shareholder Value ‘’ or ‘’ Globalization ‘’ only serve phrasing politicians or blabbing opinion-leaders as an explanation, although it is not explained why the profits, even after taxes alwas have to be in the area of billions, when they are only used for speculating at the swelling stock exchange. Although Matuschek does not believe in the great ‘’ World Conspiration ‘’ the circle of profiteers cannot be that large.
Matuschek has been sitting here for three hours now, now he is driving into the night with his car putting - really physical - the question: ‘’ When does the bladder burst ?"

© 1999 by ulrich prietz